The Myth of the Tortured Artist

I’m about to give, what The Kids call a “Hot Take”. Real talk: I can’t stand the Tortured Artist stereotype.

“But Ashlynn! You’re an artist and you struggle with mental illness. Why the hostility?”

Because the whole thing is bullshit at best and damaging at worst. Yes, I struggle with Depression and Anxiety. My mental illness is a big part of my life. It’s an on-going battle, something I need to actively fight against every day. But it does not define me. And something that has always bothered me is the idea that it makes me a better artist. It doesn’t. Not in the slightest. Not in any way, shape, or form. Stop telling me it does.

We’ve all heard of the Tortured Artist: the incredible creative who can barely function and is hanging on to sanity by the smallest thread. It’s a prevalent stereotype and one that isn’t completely devoid of a single semblance of truth. a 2012 study featured in the Journal of Psychiatric Research found that creative people were significantly more likely to suffer from bipolar disorder. Writers in particularly were 120 times more likely to be diagnosed bipolar. We are also more likely to abuse substances so that’s why you have so many books about middle-aged writers battling alcoholism.

To an extent, I understand the apparent correlation. A lot of our best work is born out of strong emotion. Writing in particular is an exercise in empathy. If you can feel things strongly, you can relate to situations you may have never been a part of and that can make you a better writer. However, there is a big difference between feeling things strongly and a depressive episode. There is a big difference between being inspired by a past strong feeling and actively being stuck in that strong feeling. There is a distinction and we need to talk about it.

I will be the first to admit, I’ve been inspired by my mental illness. For god’s sake, the book I’m currently querying is effectively a long processing tool in attempting to understand my battle with my eating disorder. However, I do want to make one thing very, very clear: I am not a writer because I have Depression. I don’t know if my Depression makes me more creative or not but I do know, it absolutely kills my productivity and my ability to create. Yes, I wrote an Own Voices eating disorder novel but I couldn’t even begin to put pen to paper until I was actively recovering. When you’re battling your own mind that intensely, you don’t have the energy for anything else. When I have a depressive episode, I' am not creating. I’m existing. All of my energy goes into surviving the day and there is nothing left to give to my art. That doesn’t mean I won’t be able to turn those feelings into a story or poem when I start to pull myself out but while I’m in it, there’s no hope for it. I’m not a writer because I have Depression. I am a Writer in spite of it. I can’t say with certainty I’d be a better writer if I didn’t struggle with mental illness but I can definitively say I’d be a more productive one.

I understand the prevalence of this idea. Some of it, I think, is wishful thinking. I certainly want to believe there’s a benefit to this bullshit. I want to believe there’s a grand reason for my suffering and I’m a better artist because of it but it just isn’t true. You don’t need to suffer to be a great artist. All this narrative does is romanticize mental illness. I will tell you, there is nothing beautiful about being too depressed to get out of bed. There is no beauty in having your teeth rot because you don’t have the energy to take care of them. There’s nothing grandiose about the fear of losing your job because you had to take another mental health day. And there is certainly no room for the creative process when your mind is screaming at you that you’re a complete and total failure, and not being able to concentrate on anything but the intrusive thoughts that you should hurt yourself.

This is what Depression looks like. It’s not being a little sad. It’s not creating a moving story or poem. It’s weeks or months of barely getting by, doing the bare minimum in every aspect of life because it’s all you can manage, doing self destructive things to survive. Depression doesn’t make a good artist. Self-care does.

All this to say, please, for the love of god, take care of yourself. Being self-destructive will not improve your art. Skipping meals and sleep will not improve your art. Not taking your meds will not improve your art. Not in the long run.

I’m not saying you can’t turn a painful experience into a beautiful work of art. You certainly can. By all means, do. I’m not saying writing isn’t a wonderful coping skill for pain. But suffering itself isn’t the beautiful part. The beautiful part is overcoming it. Living through it. Being okay enough to turn it into something. And that takes an obscene amount of work on the part of the artist.

Again, take care of yourself. Being too depressed to function will not make you a better writer. And to anyone in that space right now, I see you. You are not broken or worthless because you can’t create right now. You are not less than because you barely have the energy to do anything outside of watch YouTube videos. You’ve ben here before. You survived then and you can survive it now. And if you’re not sure you can do it alone, please reach out to a mental health professional or a friend. Get help. You deserve it. Your art will not suffer for it, not in the long run. In the long run, making yourself okay again will improve your art.

Tl;Dr: I really don’t like this idea. It hurts people. You do not need to be miserable to create. In general, you’ll create better when you’re not. Please, take care of yourself. Leave those toxic situations, take your meds if that applies, go to therapy if you need to. Eat regularly. Get enough sleep. Practice the self-care you need to keep yourself treading water. Your life and wellbeing should not take a backseat to whatever short cut you think you need to take to create something. You can create when you are well. And you, my dear, deserve to be well.